am sorry

It hurts when someone comes with hopes and you know that u'r gonna hurt them by saying no.
It happened second time today when parents invited someone for the marriage proposal. I know it was my worst behavior for which am just not known and feel ashamed myself too. No i did not say or do anything that would have belittled the guests. But a silence and terse replies is no way to treat guests either. They must have sensed something wrong. How i wish that they reject me before my parents say them so.
Why do my parents have to do so. Have told them clear and think i need to sit and tell them once more and the final time that this is what i have decided to make out of my life. i may fail i may succeed but that it is to be.
But i carry the burden of being unpolite to the guests and hurting parental feelings of my own and of someone else.

am sorry.
Lord, please don't forgive me and punish me severely.

a story gone wrong!

It was drama all day long at least for me. Saw a story about a couple on a blog yesterday night and i mailed to my office id to enable myself to take a print of it which i did today morning. But as events would have it, i forgot to collect the print from the printer and the pages landed in the hands of Manohar and as is his style he promptly delivered the papers to NS Prasad/Bhagwati thinking it to be a similar case as that happened in July/Aug. The papers then were brought to the notice of the DGM who read through them and seeing my name called me to ask about them. I confessed and told him in clear terms that it contains a story and nothing of the sort experienced by the department few months ago. Though he understood, he asked me to be careful with the personal prints.
Think that it was the best that he could do.
We bode farewell to Vamdev and Anil for their joining UTI Bank. Kishore and Girish are in line and many more in next one/two years.

its getting heavy

Though its a rest after exams got over long time back but the rest is no where to be seen forget having it. I think i am into too much of work but the fact is that my desk is still not well defined. Half of that and half of this with the complete of my own.
The new DGM is very supportive but as of now the support seems to come out of his being new to domestic treasury operations. When he gains comfortable confidence then the real him will be known as he then may act on his own.
Have not been able to go to the gym for the full week now. Mom is angry at me for that.
Got to make it smooth and orderly from now onwards.
Best of Luck!

Another public sector way of work

Day would have passed smoothly, but for the proposal of Rights issue of Hindalco. We came to know from HO that the same has been rejected. It was a shock. Rights of a share ruling at 130 available at 96 will be anyone's call as the price cant get cheaper than this.
A call from the DGM forced the GM to reconsider his decision and approve it.
On looking at the note wherein the proposal was denied the remark for decline was "Let us wait for a better opportunity to enter at appropriate time". No what is better chance? Are they going to write to the board of Hindalco to declare rights when they find the time appropriate? Ridiculous! Jaya had a correct one-liner for suck top management - let them sit for that psychometric test!
It was nothing but yet another functioning style of public sector. Whims and fancies of an individual. His own moods drive the part of organization under his jurisdiction. I wonder what more it will take to weed out the rot?

another day

The day was without much to comment about. Proposals were put and proposals were rejected. We really need to work in a way so that HO has confidence on us, on our wisdom. But an underlying feeling prevailing in our department of having a high opinion of each every issue is not justified as that can never be.
I really need to work hard on my desk now.
Had another "stretching" evening in the gym.

and the change came

Yes, the change was there. Surprising it was though! Never expected it to be the way it was. But then, there is much to be said about the change both in favor and against, more in against actually. Lets see how long it prevails - it has started with a period of one month but we all know its for eternity or till treasury incomes make a comeback.
Nothing special today except that i went for gym. Nice experience and wish that i be regular. Hope so.

another change?

The repurcussions of the sat meeting were felt today. So its almost final that one from the FO will have to move to BO. Who is the only and main question. Its more than clear who are wanted to be moved. But more than that what troubles is the stubbornness of a man who is soon reaching a stage where he may have none but avoiders.
Tomm's gonna be a big day - for all in the frypan.
Could not attend Gym today due to the delay in leaving office by 20 mins and those 20 mins stretched the delay in reaching home to 1 hour. Big cities, big differences!
Will be leaving for office an hour earlier now onwards and will see if i can leave office for home before 5.30 pm. If i can, early departure from home in the mornings will be stuck with.

day of issues and non-issues

The day was as a saturday is but for the meeting with the new DGM, the forex DGM having taken over the charge of domestic operations too. I dont know how far is the news of one lady DGM coming to head the domestic treasury is true. The meeting was as all his (the DGM) meetings are - long and even at the end u dont feel like its ending! Nothing of concerete was finalised except that the mainstay of the today's meeting will be discussed again with the Chief Manager (Dealing) and Manager (Back Office). How typical of public sector (hey, am i getting too critical of public sector - but wait. No, i am not. I fully subscribe to the fact that public sector still has some of the most intelligent and most innovative employees but only if they are allowed to work to their potential....alas!)
With the end of the meeting at around 1 pm, i had no mood to work and was helped by the news that some entries for the 09th of dec were yet to be passed which saved me from working on form a prov right then. Will have to but for sure complete it and send it on monday and that will make monday a bit busy with two proposals also lined up for the day.
Nothing else. Yes tomm going for Neal n Nikki. Dont expect much but it coming from the stable of yashraj films one can look forward to in any case.

free. am i?

with exams over there is indeed a feeling of being free. However, the happenings in office do give feelings, that one can only wish to avoid. I dont know why he behaves the way he does? I can accept his contention if he displays to the minimal that he is organized and try to focus on what is supposed to be done at the given time instead of wasting his time in just observing others. I am sure that he is not as simple as he projects himself to be. Though i regretted my altercation with him a month back, but i think what happened then was right and i should not have any qualms about it.
Anyway, tomm seems to be a big day with a meeting scheduled to decide who goes from Front office to Back office. We have some favorites and its almost sure that they will continue to be favorites. So the choice narrows down to obvious scapegoats.
Maybe that puts us in a position where we concentrate more on what we are dreaming of - IIM/ISB.
God Bless.

sem 3 comes to end

Its over. Or is it?
With tax paper going seemingly smooth, it seems to be over and i feel a bit realxed at the thought that i may not have to repeat it contrary to the opposite feeling till the time i got the q paper in my hand.

Watched harry porter today, rather slept through the movie. A resolution - never watch it again. Suggestion - watch govinda instead.
Was gifted a watch by JB frds. Really feels nice to know that u among people whom u can call and mean "friends". Fills mind with memories and heart with joy!
Relaxed. Am i? with exams over, i fear the memories of her dont start filling my mind again. But this habit of blogging may help me.
Have plans in lot on this hobby. Better i take them all hog and keep myself away from what gives nothing but pain now.

It's the pressure, Stupid

What else could it be? Am banging my head with Mr Singhania & Mrs. Singhani (the authors of the book “Students’ Guide to Taxation) for the last 4 days now. And everything seems to defeat rocket science (actually rocket science has total logic but taxation – naah). It just reminds me of my condition when in school & college – jittery, panicky, trembling, hungry, sleepy – when I used to study that most dreaded subject on the earth – “chemistry” (God saved me somehow, why - I don’t know)
But chemistry still had some logic, but this taxation – my Lord. Do the people in IT department have any brains? Or is the neural matter composed of only white matter and the grey color has faded away? Why can’t they keep it simple. Someone surely needs to give them a KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)
Anyway, today I gave myself this day as the last day for studying taxation. And am astonished how easy the things start seeming to be. Don’t tell me that am reading the easier portions of the subject. But I am certain, it’s the pressure that’s making the mind and the grey matter in it work (am glad my grey matter hasn’t faded yet).

Nothing much to write about since my last post, mainly because nothing was allowed to happen as I am on leave from office studying tax – can anything worse happen ? Hope it ends smooth on 7th dec and I can get back to reading Marx.

Indian Double Standards

Double standard – that’s the phrase that describes well we Indians most of the times.
On considerations are many thoughts at the same time. Primarily, the thought is of our relations with the neighbor – Pakistan who has just too much in commonality with the northern part of our nation. We are all hog on improving the relations which have been soured since the time we started to breath freely but with that fresh breath came the pain in the heart (I being born 27 years after the independence/partition – but was kept close to the feelings of the same by my granny and other old hands & hearts in close relations). Second we call ourselves citizens of a modern developing nation on its path to breaking the myriad shackles it’s been caught since time immemorial. Art is being once again been given the highest podium in the social strata. Then we have the corporate India and its vocabulary including social responsibility. With them, the ever self-proclaimed torch bearers of just cause – the NGOs.
After having put all these points in the mind, now consider the news report in today’s ET “NGO shows Pak troupe door for anti-US stance” In Lucknow, a Pakistan based cultural action group (Tehrik-e-Niswan – women’s movement), invited by a prominent NGO (a women NGO) to stage plays in India, has been abruptly asked to go back by the very NGO after its first performance on the grounds that it displayed an anti-US stance. The occasion was a festival “Staging Peace – a dialogue in theatre: A women’s endeavor to create the culture of peace” by the Women’s Initiative for Peace in South Asia (WIPSA). And, the play staged was “Zikr-e-Nashunida”. The reason is that the play contained some anti-US references and since WIPSA was being funded by American Ford Foundation, they cannot allow this.
Now, the Indian NGOs, who are always ready with the brickbats at any fellow Indian who seemingly bows to the west or at the time when half of the world (recently in case of Iraq standoff) is against west will join them, have showed a very downtrodden attitude by towing along the wishes of their western funding house. NGOs have always had a dubious characteristics and this one instance just reinforces the fact known all along. If it was at the behest of Ford, it talks shame of the MNC, who cannot allow freedom of speech – one just wonders how are the employees in the company treated as – ducks – who are not allowed to speak their minds and hearts?
That apart, where goes the bonhomie that we are aspiring to develop with our “lost brethren”? Is that endeavor under a dictation from such MNC (I recollect the article on EHM – Economic Hit Men – and start to feel that my opinion of that article being a crap was utterly wrong)?

It’s just a case where Art is humbled by the politico-economic interests – I wish I get to hear what Mr Raja has to say on this.

Anyways, the day leaves me with just 4 days before the exams and its becoming trembling to sit with the subject of taxation. Hats off to guys who study it in CA and above all – clear it!